Educating Parents

(This is an in depth blog on section B of Effective Children's/Family Ministry)

I can say from first hand experience that parenting is not easy. I have only been a dad for 16 months now and I think every day I learn something new. Sometimes, I think we learn from peers who are parents, other times from radio broadcasts or books, and also from mentor couples who have "been there done that."

So, where should the church enter into this game plan of parenting. The crazy thing is that the core of all spiritual growth of a child will come from the parents. From what we read to our children, what we allow them to watch on TV, what we teach them about faith, and what they see in our actions (NO pressure or anything, parents.)

Let me be the first to say that no one is going to be perfect and I don't think that a "sin natured child" is going to learn from a perfect parent. The child needs to learn the skills of problem solving, communication, and anger management. Have you ever told your spouse, you act just like you mother! If you have you probably won't ever say it again. But, there is much truth to this . . . we emulate what our parents did to a certain extent (this can be good or bad.) Parents should probably learn how to see their parenting in God's eyes not necessarily how our parents raised even though they may have given us some great skills. God is our ultimate judge not our thoughts, feelings, friends, the church, or parents.

Anyway back on track here . . . what is the church's role. A strong support system. A group of people all seeking God's will in their parenting lives and sharing scripture, experiences, and spending time together in prayer.

I won't list all the programs I believe will be most effective, just let me say that every phase of bringing up children has its own battle from toddlers to adolescence. Having a mentor couple, weekly prayer with other moms and dads, and classes available for all stages would truly be a blessing to all parents. And might I add that whether our church supplies these classes/programs or not, all parents should seek out Godly friends and family to help them through finding God in every tough circumstance.

Uniting Husbands and Wives

In my earlier post titled Effective Children/Family Ministry I outlined how a successful Children's ministry might look . . . Here is a deeper look into my thoughts on Point A "Uniting Husbands and Wives." Please note that I nor my wife are by any means experts, we just know that there are specific things that we need to keep our marriage going and these are our experiences and thoughts.

Recently, Rose, myself and some of our friends have been working through some scripture in Ephesians chapter 5. We always joke about that scary term "SUBMIT." I always joke that the conversation heart people should keep the usual "hug me," "kiss me," "text me," "love," but add a new heart that states "wives submit." PLEASE NOTE I SAID JOKE!! The reason I emphasize this joke is because my wife always reminds me that I should love her as Christ loved, the church with includes my tithe (10% of income in HER pocket). . .again a joke. We laugh about this all the time, but when we started this study our eyes, minds, and hearts really became focused on Eph. ch. 5 v. 21 "be subject to one another in the fear of Christ." (NASB) the NIV states "SUBMIT to to one another out of reverence for Christ." WOW the S word again!!

J. Mac talks about the power struggle that husbands and wives have and dates all the way back to the Garden. This very "curse" as J. Mac calls it, causes us to think all out of order. What I have realized is that I need to be submissive to my wife and she to me. At the alter we gave our relationship up to God and now we need to give ourselves up to one another as well. As much as I want to do what I want to, I have to remember that my God and my wife come first. This is why Grace is so amazing. Because if you know me, even just a little bit, I am no way perfect, nor is my wife (SHOCKING ISN'T IT!!) Grace from God is the dearest of all things; but grace from my wife is pretty amazing too.

God calls us as husbands and wives to seek Him and serve each other. The only way we can get better at this is by (Point A1 in Post #1) :

1. Daily Prayer/Reflection/Study together (even for just 10 min)
Again, by no means are Rose and I perfect in this but when we sit down together and just discuss and study what the Bible says, we get on the same page. Husbands and wives must be on the same page to lead a family. Of course, leading a family cannot be accomplished without prayer and the power of God! Lastly, we must reflect upon our own actions to see if they are sticking to what God called us to do and seek that grace from God and our spouse if we wronged them. NOTE TO HUSBANDS: Discuss with your wife, do not preach, even if you are a pastor. This will cause WWIII.

We also need to have some fun and laugh, though. So that brings us to point A2 in Post #1:

2. Weekly or Bi-Weekly Date nights (fun times one-on-one) With kids this often is trouble some but if you don't do it your relationship is going to be "all work and no play!!" We all know that makes Jack a very dull boy! Finding other couples craving this time works out perfectly because you can watch their kids one week and they watch yours the next. Every 2 weeks you will be able to connect with your spouse and serve another family. WIN-WIN, DING-DING!!

Finally I would like to dissect this topic by focusing on point A3 on Post #1

3. Communication and Understanding of your Spouse . . . I will be honest here, I don't always understand why my wife does things (Again SHOCK!!). In turn, she doesn't understand why I do things (DOUBLE SHOCK!). . . That is why we need to learn to communicate. I do have to admit it is a learned behavior we need to speak to other couples about how they work things out and be taught by those who have made it a long time in their marriage. Our small group and trinity class at the Bridge have brought us to others seeking successful marriages and we have been taught and reminded by a neutral party what we are supposed to do. No marriage will succeed unless we have these communities of Biblical teaching support, fellowship, and prayer. WE ALL NEED IT!

Why is this important to Children's Ministry, you say. Well, that is simple . . . parents are the greatest role model they will ever have. They see the good the bad and the ugly, and how you handle it. "Be careful little eyes what you see and hear." We need our Children to see God's Commands, God's Love, and God's Grace. Not a word needs to be lectured to the child . . . we show these things by what we do.

Effective Children/Family Ministry

I couldn't sleep tonight because I was thinking about how Christian families are falling to divorce and disaster as quick as wild fire. With the opportunity to lead a Children and Family ministry at a church plant in Utah, my mind has been racing on how we should set up this ministry and how it should function. I made up the following outline listing 4 key components. Uniting the family unit NEEDS to be the main focus of anything we do.

I believe that it is not the church's duty to raise kids spiritually. A child only spends maybe 3-4 hours a week at church. Mom and Dad are the MOST important role models in a child's life and it is the church's job to resource the parents and support what they are doing at home and encourage parents in their marriage. Keep in mind some children don't have parents who are believers, so, in that case it is the church's job to reach out to that child's family and also provide Godly role models and resources for the child.

Anyway, this is a brainstorm of my thoughts, I think I can go to sleep now that I put all these thoughts on paper. . . Feel free to post any comments if you have any. This is just a brief overview, I will post at a later time more specifics in each category.

4 Components to a CHILDREN/FAMILY MINISTRY

A. Uniting Husbands and Wives
1. Daily Prayer/Reflection/Study together (even for just 10 min)
2. Weekly or Bi-Weekly Date nights (fun times one-on-one)

• Switch off weeks with other couples and baby-sit for each other

3. Communication and Understanding of your Spouse

• Sunday School Classes
• Mid-week Bible study with other couples
• Resources, Resources, Resources, Books, Sermons, DVD, whatever it takes
  

B. Educating Parents
1. Provide Resources on Childhood Stages and Godly Parenting Tips

• i.e. Bringing baby home, Newborns, Toddlers, Preschool, Kinder, Early Elem., etc.

2. Midweek Bible study and fellowship with other couples/mentor couples
3. Stage Based Sunday School Classes

C. Uniting the Family as a Unit
1. Daily Devotions (Resource) Given to Families
2. Weekly Family Fun Night (Just Parents and Kids)

• Pizza Night
• Movie Night
• Mini Golf
• etc.
  

3. Monthly or Bi-Monthly Church-wide Family Gatherings

• Bowling
• Picnics
• Holiday Parties, etc.

D. Educating Children
1. Newborns

• safety, care, experience Godly love
• leaders praying over children
  

2. Toddlers

• Learn who God is and his presence in our life
• again, prayer for these young children

3. Pre-School

• Learn moral behavior and basic Bible History
• basics of saying prayers

4. Kindergarten

• learn rules of the Bible History and basics on what sin is
• How to pray as Jesus did

5. Early Elem. (grades 1-3)

• Truths of the Bible about God's Law transitioned to understanding grace in the Bible
• How to worship and preparing our hearts for worship

6. Late Elem. (grades 4-6)

• Learning the truth and evidence of Christ
• Concepts of Salvation
• Basics on how to share and defend your faith

**For work with Parents, Husbands and wives there will need to be accountability
**For work with kids there will need to be motivation, fun teaching/activities, exciting worship, and rewards.